The Captain Croft Conspiracy
by ButImADragQueen
Summary: It's Dimitri's birthday, and Rose is hiding something. Does Dimitri have something to worry about? And where does their boss fit into all of this?


In which Rose conspires against Dimitri, in the name of a certain Captain Croft…

"Get the Captain to my rooms quickly before he sees!" Dimitri overheard the aggressive, hushed whisper of his wife of two years through the wall as he turned to enter their kitchen. One of the perks of Guardian housing, walls thin as tissue paper. One of the many negatives, Dimitri was suspicious as hell. He cleared his throat as he rounded the corner to their tiny kitchen, and Rose shot up from her position leaning against the wall, looking like she had been caught with her hand in the cookie jar. She hastily ended her call, smiling sheepishly at her husband who carried a mildly amused grimace on his face.

"Do I want to know Roza?" He asked. Most men would have been more suspicious, but he trusted her as implicitly as he trusted his mother, his grandmother and everyone else who had proven that they would stand by him always.

"Oh, what that? Nothing! BIIIIIIIIG misunderstanding, so, dinner?" Rose was flustered as hell. She was normally much better at keeping her cool, but Dimitri's 30th birthday was coming up and she was strung out from everything that could possibly go wrong with his gift, well, going completely and utterly wrong in ways she couldn't possibly have imagined. The usually unflappable Guardian Rosemarie Hathaway-Belikova was well and truly, well, flapped! To try and cover up her lack of tact, she began to busy herself making dinner as it was her turn to cook that night.

Dimitri continued to watch her, but realising that no matter how flustered, he wasn't going to get anything out of her, he left to pull out their small dining table and set it for dinner. A tiny thing, their apartment was so small that they just didn't have the space to leave it up all the time. The table now set with a simple tablecloth, a candle and cutlery, Dimitri went to start on the laundry that had accumulated over that week, as Rose frantically tried to fix his birthday gift under the guise of 'watching the sauce so it doesn't burn'. She knew it was a weak excuse, but it was all she had. Dimitri's birthday would be in two days, there wasn't a second to waste.

Firing off several texts at once, Rose took a few deep breaths as she stirred the bolognese sauce, inhaling the rich aroma as she tried to get her nerves in check. Within moments her phone began to ping.

Rose to Lissa;

How is Captain Croft the Second? Still 10 feet tall?

Lissa;

12 feet! I'm sorry I used too much Spirit, Sonya thinks he's just going to keep growing back the bits we chopped off!

Rose;

It could be worse, he could still be shrivelled up after what happened to him. I owe you one Liss.

Lissa;

You'd do the same for me! Well, the equivalent with you having no spirit and all...Love you!

Rose to Abe;

How's the property old man? Got the bugs out?

Abe;

Cockroaches gone, got a guy sorting the termites on the back deck. Will be fixed by the morning, I promise. I'm sorry my intel was bad!

Rose;

No problem Old Man, you've done me a huge favour by organising this, thank you!

Abe;

Anything for my kiz and my son-in-law!

Rose to Capt. Croft;

This is all your fault! I can't hide this from him much longer, why didn't you listen to me?

Capt Croft;

No way could I have predicted what happened! Don't pin this on me kid, have a nice night

At this point, Dimitri had wandered his way silently into the kitchen and gone to wrap his arms around Rose from behind, resting his head on her shoulder. He didn't mean to catch a peek at the last messages between Rose and their boss, and his breath caught in his throat. He could trust Rose, right? He had always been able to, but those messages… Something didn't seem right. At his touch, Rose quickly locked her phone and put it on the kitchen counter face down as she went to spoon sauce into bowls. She prayed that he hadn't seen too much, she didn't want his big birthday surprise ruined. Unbeknownst to her, he had a different theory in his head. Regardless, they both let it go and went to enjoy their meal. It was tense, but for reasons unknown to the other.

The next day, Dimitri ran into Guardian Hans Croft on his way to grab coffee before his shift. He would have everyone believe that it was a total coincidence, but Dimitri just happened to be up early that morning anyway, he also just happened to know when Croft usually passed the cafe on their housing block, and just happened to choose then to get his caffeinated treat. He was suspicious, but wanted to do some more digging before he confronted Rose, knowing rationally that she wouldn't do anything to hurt him. Would she? Shaking off his unease, he greeted his boss as if there were nothing amiss.

"Ah Belikov! Trust that everythings well? Your birthday soon isn't it?" He enquired. Croft wasn't usually the sentimental type, whilst he cared for and appreciated his staff, he wasn't tremendously close with them, but he did hold the Belikovs in especially high esteem. They were proof that things could change, and that gave him hope, a feeling he hadn't had in quite some time.

"Yes sir, tomorrow. My time off request still sound?" He responded, trying to gauge what Croft was thinking.

"Of course, I'm not making you work on your 30th birthday, or your young woman may string me from the rafters!" He joked with Dimitri, but even he was a little afraid of the junior Hathaway. He was well and truly aware that she carried the fiercest traits of both parents, but that was also what made her so good at her job, so he couldn't truly complain. In fact, he was feeling a little guilty about his involvement in the imminent birthday, he feared that putting an idea into Rose's head was not the best course of action, as she had been insufferable the past week. But he knew she could handle it, she would make it work.

Croft's joke put Dimitri a little on edge, his suspicions becoming slightly more prominent in his mind. He wasn't sure what was going on, but he would get to the bottom of it. He said his goodbyes to Guardian Croft and carried on about his day, planning on what to say to Rose when he could finally made heads or tails as to what was going on.

Back at the apartment, Rose had a completely different problem on her hands. Captain Croft the Second had arrived, and he was even bigger than she had anticipated. His branches practically hit the ceiling, lemons the size of cantaloupes hanging from the ends. Dimitri had recently read Game of Thrones, and mentioned more than once to Rose how when they bought a house, he wanted it to have a red door and a lemon tree, just how it was described in the novel. Their new house fund was meager, but Rose thought a lemon tree would be a great addition to their kitchen at least. However, when it arrived, the person who had shipped it hadn't packed it properly, so it had arrived half dead in a mess of pottery and dry, barren soil. Rose had thought it was a stroke of genius getting Lissa to practice her plant magic on it, but she had tried too hard, so now instead of a emaciated shrub, the lemon tree dubbed Captain Croft the Second (as it was Croft who gave Dimitri the book in the first place) was a mammoth example of a tree. Fortunately, if things went well on Abe's end, they'd have somewhere to plant it properly. Turning to Adrian, who had thoughtfully had himself and Eddie bring the tree up, Rose put on her best resting bitch face.

"As much as I appreciate you bringing this up, why did you just dump it in the living room where Dimitri could see? How in the hell am I going to hide this?"

"We could put a sheet over it? It's sure as hell not going to fit in the storage cupboard like we planned!" Adrian let her have her bitch moment, he could see how stressed she was by her aura. He had given up pursuing her years before, but he still cared for her as his friend, and wanted to help her make her husbands birthday the best it could possibly be.

"It'll have to do, go grab one would you? I need to finish this cake and go and get the keys from Abe, I am never doing anything nice for anyone ever again!" She declared as she went back to mixing the frosting for Dimitri's birthday cake. She wasn't exactly Martha Stewart, but she could still do a decent birthday cake if she put her mind to it.

The doorbell sounded at that moment, Rose gestured for Eddie to go get it. She would have, if she wasn't trying to juggle two different kinds of cake frosting and not get any on the ceiling. Eddie answered the door, and Abe walked in with Pavel in tow.

"Speak of the devil, I was going to come see you soon Old Man, need those keys." She called over her shoulder as she got the cakes from the fridge. Now that they were cool, she began to stack them with frosting and lemon sauce in between the layers, adding fresh blueberries around the outside of each buttercream circle before sandwiching each layer together. As she did this, Abe went to lean against the counter beside her, dangling a pair of keys in front of her.

"Thought I'd save you the trouble little one, you have enough to do. You'll be pleased to know, all infestations have been cleared, everything cleaned, repaired and freshened up where we can. All ready for you to decorate when you get round to it." As he spoke, he placed the keys to Rose and Dimitri's new home beside the now almost finished cake.

"It's times like this where I'm happy I actually listen to you sometimes Baba, thank you so much for this." She turned to hug her father, the birthday, for all the stress it was causing Rose, could not have come together without Abe's invaluable help. For all his threats and bravado, he loved his son-in-law dearly and wanted him to be happy with his only child. Even if that dear daughter of his did have to buy the most run down house that had more problems than walls.

"Anything you need before tomorrow?" He picked up a discarded bowl of frosting, dipping his finger in, swiping some of the buttery goodness up and daintily licking it off his fingertip. Rose batted his hand away from a second pass as she responded.

"Nothing, just be at the house at midday, I've got it from here. Keep everyone quiet! I can't have Dimitri suspecting anything, although I think he already does, dinner was tense last night." Her mouth curved downwards into a frown. She had worked so hard for months to plan the perfect birthday surprise for him, and less than 24 hours away, it was too close to have it all ruined now. Abe pulled Rose into a hug, rubbing her back soothingly.

"Even if he has his suspicions, you only have to keep quiet until tomorrow. He'll love what you've done for him, honestly." As he finished reassuring her, Adrian and Eddie came into the kitchen,

"Right, Captain Croft is covered, we've put a sign up saying do not disturb, we'll see you in the morning Rosie!" She hated that nickname, but Adrian had been a real help so she let him get away with it. She hugged him, then Eddie, and shooed everyone out. She put the cake in the fridge, boxed up and hidden behind the jars of pickled vegetables that Dimitri had insisted on buying (and then eating in the middle of the night, leaving Rose to wake up to nice pickle-y morning breath) and got the leftovers from the night before out, setting the table for when Dimitri got home.

It was unusual that dinner was ready early, but she had had to take the day off to prepare, there was no other way around it, so it wasn't too much trouble putting the sauce on to warm as she ran about. Stashing the keys that Abe had left her, she quickly tried to act natural as the door handle turned, signaling her husband was finally home.

As Dimitri entered his home, he shook off the worries that had been plaguing him, Rose wouldn't be doing anything that wouldn't be involved with his birthday, that's the only reason she had for acting the way she was. However, when he was greeted with the sight of Rose leaning awkwardly against the counter, his imagination started up again, which he hastily tried to pat down. Of course she would be in the middle of planning something that was all it could be, right?

Rose hurried to get dinner on the table as Dimitri shirked his shoes and coat, helping Rose with the last few bowls. It was as he was starting to plate up the garlic bread that he noticed the ginormous, sheet covered god-only-knows-what in the centre of their living room. He wordlessly passed the bread to Rose as he ambled towards the mystery object in the centre of the room, hand automatically reaching for the sheet that concealed it from him. Rose was up like a shot, grabbing his hand away with a grunt.

"You only have to wait till tomorrow, now eat before dinner gets cold!" She took his hand and practically dragged him to the dinner table.

"You'd tell me if something was up, wouldn't you?" He asked her as they sat down together. He didn't want to have to ask, and if it wasn't for Captain Croft's involvement, he wouldn't have said anything, but something was just bothering him in the back of his mind, and he just couldn't shake it.

"Of course, it's just birthday stuff, I want tomorrow to be perfect, so can you just trust me till then?" She wasn't offended by his questioning, his cautious nature had kept both of them alive over the years, but she knew about his insecurities since he was restored and the way he treated her in that time. She had more than forgiven him, but she was well aware of the scars left behind. She didn't have it in her to be even slightly angry that he was troubled, instead she stood to move around the table to rub his shoulders.

"Okay, I love you milaya. Lets eat, I imagine that this is even better the next day!" They tucked in with gusto, Rose relieved that things were finally coming together, Dimitri was feeling more settled. He was glad that he didn't have anything to worry about, even though the irrational, insecure part of him still worried, he pushed it to the back of his mind to enjoy dinner with the love of his life.

 _The next morning_

"Rise and shine birthday boy!" Dimitri was awoken by the smell of fresh coffee and his Roza stood above him with a tray, laden with breakfast treats, including...no, it couldn't be! Black bread!

"Rose, when the heck did you manage to make this? It's not charcoal!" He was incredibly surprised. Whilst Rosa had gotten better at cooking, gaining the ability to cook some decent food, she had never quite mastered the black bread he used to stuff himself with when he was a child.

"I got up early, and called your mother on Skype. She talked me through the process very, very slowly! Hope it tastes as good as it looks." She sat next to him, finally at peace now that it was finally the day she had been preparing for for months. They both tucked into breakfast in bed, humming happily at the delicious food. The bread was perfectly baked with a good rise and even, balanced flavour. It wasn't quite his mothers bread, but Dimitri loved it even more knowing that his wife had made it especially for this day.

After they had finished, showered (for much longer than planned) and dressed, Rose dragged Dimitri by the hand into their living room, bringing him in front of the mystery sheet. Ensuring he would stay where he was, she reached for the sheet and pulled it off with a flourish.

"Tah-dah! Introducing Captain Croft the Second! You mentioned wanting a lemon tree, unfortunately after a delivery mishap Lissa practically had to resurrect the poor thing, but look at those lemons huh? Hope you like lemonade!" She chattered away feverishly, all her previous anxiety about him not liking his gift coming back in force as he stood there dumbstruck. She was extremely surprised when he turned to her and swept her up in a passionate kiss.

"I love it! A bit bigger than I thought it would be, but I love it all the same. Thank you milaya. He's magnificent." His smile was blinding, he looked as happy as he felt. He knew where she had gotten the idea, and that's what made it so perfect.

"Well, I do have one more surprise, get your shoes and coat on, we're going for a drive." They prepared themselves to leave, Rose grabbing her keys, the cake and one of the giant lemons. She couldn't juggle them to Dimitri took the cake box as he opened the door for her. They got into the car and took off.

About ten minutes in, Rose parked at the side of the road, rummaging in the glove box for something. With a victorious grunt, she pulled out a pink fluffy blindfold and turned to Dimitri. He obediently turned his head so she could affix it to him, knowing better than to argue. Once it was secure, they set off again. As the car pulled to a stop, Dimitir wanted to pull off the blindfold, but knew it would ruin the surprise, so left it, for Rose's sake if not his own.

"Right Comrade, you can take the blindfold off, but keep looking straight ahead." As he took it off, Rose took the lemon that she had brought with them and placed it in his hands. He was surprised to find that it barely weighed anything, and upon closer inspection, he realised that it was hollow and there was a long split up one side. With one last questioning glance at Rose, he opened it up to find...a set of keys? As he turned to Rose for validation, he saw a big, red door out of the corner of his eye. They both got out of the car and Rose wrapped her arm around her husbands waist.

"It's all ours. Happy birthday!" She kissed his cheek, and grabbing the cake, walked forwards, beckoning him to follow. He was too shocked to move right away and started to splutter.

"But, how, what? When? How?" He was unusually at a loss for words. He knew how small their house fund was, and knew that a house this size, in this part of court, would have well eclipsed that amount. He turned to Rose for answers.

"I'll explain when we get in there!" Without waiting for anymore questions, she took his hand and dragged him forwards. With the keys in his hand, she bid him to do the honours. As the door swung open, there was a loud shout of "SURPRISE!" as all their family and friends were gathered in the large foyer. Abe came forward to embrace his son-in-law, clapping him on the back as he did. He then went to his only daughter and wrapped an arm around her waist as Pavel spirited the cake box into the kitchen.

"So remember how Baba talked me through the stock market?" Dimitri nodded slowly. "Well turns out I'm actually pretty good at it! I made enough to buy this house outright. I saw the red door and just knew that we should live here, and I didn't even need to touch our house fund so we can use it for furniture! What do you think?" For the second time that day, Rose was anxious. Had she made a mistake? Did he hate it?

"Roza, I love it! Thank you! And thank you Abe, although I think you've created a monster!" The birthday party all laughed at that, knowing that he was most likely correct, even if it was said in jest. As Pavel brought the cake and candles out, everyone began to sing their birthday wishes, crowding round Dimitri with gifts and well wishes once the flames were extinguished.

After the candles were blown out, the gifts given, the drinks decanted and the party in full swing, Dimitri pulled Rose off to the side away from the festivities.

"I love this house. I love you. Thank you." He kissed her hair and held her close as she replied.

"Happy birthday my love. As the lemon tree grows outside our door, I believe our love will grow with it." She kissed him deeply, the party around them all but forgotten whilst they were in their own little world.

And their love did grow further still. That home would be theirs for the rest of their lives, as they welcomed their best friends children and eventually their own. Through fights, loss and heartache, it was theirs, the gargantuan lemon tree brightening their dark days and sheltering them from all storms. It was on the front porch, built ten years later, that they sat and drank fresh lemonade with their grandchildren playing at their feet, as they reminisced upon Dimitris 30th birthday, and the great Captain Croft Conspiracy.

 _THE END_

 **AN**

 **Hope you all enjoyed this fluffy little one shot!**

 **Till next time!**


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